Thursday, September 03, 2020

Crayoning Myself Back

 Gayle Slaten
—Poetry and Photos by Gayle Lindsay Slaten, Tucson, AZ



DECADES

Out of sync with life

Her first decade was spent

As a 20-year-old

Caring for siblings

Mothering the brood

Making rules for others to uphold

Her second decade was spent

As a 40-year-old

Dear Abbey

Counseling her young peers

Peacemaker and

Overseer of others’ love lives

Her third decade was spent

As a 50-year-old

Settling into her duties

Gathering objects of others’ desires

Balabusta and chef

A welcoming hostess

Her fourth decade was spent
As a teenager

Breaking out of old confines

Trying out new lovers

Self-absorbed

Shirking responsibilities

Her fifth decade was spent

As an 80-year-old

Settled and safe

In the prison of life

Made small

Waiting for death

And now

In her sixth decade

Perhaps she can make up for lost time

Pursuing her fanciful dreams of childhood

Banging pots to create rhythms

Crayoning her life back to color






THE LAST TIME

When she woke up in the morning

She didn’t know that it would be the last time

She would be on that island of craziness

The last time she would ring the bell

And have deer line up on her driveway

For a handful of molasses-laced grain

The raccoons darting through their legs

To catch tidbits that dropped

She didn’t know it would be the last time

She would sip coffee on the porch

Gazing at the water that surrounded

What was once a small piece of paradise

With rocky beaches which hid

Tiny spiral shells and blue crabs

Geoduck clams and starfish that washed ashore

She didn’t know it would be the last time

She would see her beautiful greyhounds alive

Couldn’t imagine her husband taking the lives

Of the dogs he loved more than her
But, after she left, the craziness engulfed him

Making her return impossible...

Not that she would have come back

After experiencing the real world out there

She didn’t know it would be the first time

She could relax and be herself, to find herself

The first time that others would be kind to her

And listen to her point of view

She had no idea about the wonders that lay ahead

She only knew that now was her time

To explore her inner and outer worlds

To dive into freedom that this life offers every one of us

If we just make that momentary choice to

Listen to that inner voice and stay our own path





 
SHOREBIRD

I used to be a shorebird

Mesmerized by ebb and flow

Saltwater tides

Synching to my heartbeat

Slowly breathing in peace

I used to be a shorebird

Sandy toes sinking

Into warm beach

Gazing at western sunset

Breathing in nature’s energy

I used to be a shorebird

Finding tiny treasures

Amongst ropes of

Washed-ashore seaweed

Breath-catching beauty

I used to be a shorebird

Finding my place

In the world

When I felt all alone

Deep breath of life connection

Now I take flight

For the starkness

Of desert sunsets

Tall saguaro against the sky

Zen-like breath of coming home

...to myself...






MY FIRST HOME

I was 63 years old

The first time I slept by myself

In my first home all my own
Giddy with anticipation
A new life opened to me

From parents’ house

To marriage house

Others’ wants colored my life

Beige were the walls

Gray was my heart

I gathered the few things

I brought to my space

Set them all out

Discovered a theme

My preference became clear

I painted my walls

Turquoise and orange

Hand-me-down furniture

Became works of art

Tabletop and front door, purple

Multi-colored rugs

Silk, striped rainbow throw

On my 40-year-old flowered couch

Metal shaman and giant orange flower

Overlooking my drums and flutes

I wake up happy every morning

Vibrant colors enfolding me

Protecting me

Vibrating into creative energy

I am home at last


_____________________


CHAOS UNBROKEN

When in chaos
Be the eye of the storm
When overwhelmed
Breathe into your heart
Remember the unbroken chain of love
That surrounds you, enfolds you, protects you
When all is lost
Have tea and cookies
Gaze at sunsets
Beat a drum to your heart rhythm
Remember you can never be broken
You are whole
Find your inner light
And turn it up until you remember
You are a radiant being
You are perfectly imperfect
And the lessons are in that imperfection
Honor the chaos as your teacher
Sit with the overwhelm
Let go of what you think you lost
Make space for the next adventure

And embrace this life with joy






GRIEF, REVISITED

Grief is a funny bedfellow
Sneaking up when all is well
Long-lost memories reappear
As if happening again, now
Feeling that all is lost
Even while enjoying the good life
Turning the moment of bliss
Into a catch in my throat
Sharp jabs of unwelcome sensations
Dealt with and put away
But not released
Lest I forget
The lessons learned
From those dreadful times
Burned into physical maps
In my body
Holding pockets of grief
In my muscles, organs
And softly on my skin
To be reactivated
By the knowing touch
Of a competent masseuse
Holding tears and shame
Fear and indignance
Of victim-felt times,
Not in control of my life
Unable to think my way out
Giving-up times
When no other choices
Were apparent
The massage of today
Is meant to be peaceful
Relaxing
Releasing of tension
A tear trails down my face
Until I taste the saltiness
On my tongue
Bringing me back
To this time, this body
With gold nuggets of
My Truths
Which will find their way
Onto the page
Capturing my story
Releasing those knots
To be kept on paper
Burden lifted
I come back to today
Refreshed and ready

To write
 


 Gayle Slaten



FINALLY

I’m finally comfortable in my own skin
I think that’s because it is so loose now
I have room to move around in there
And, when I stretch, it has a lot of give

Why didn’t I think of getting a skin-size bigger, before?
Always worried what I looked like
Hiding the bulges beneath large tops
Wearing lots of black

Now, I’m comfortable in my skin
I look in the mirror and am pleased with the crepes
I always liked that texture before
But didn’t know it would go so well with my soul

_____________________

Today’s LittleNip:


The most important thing I can tell you about aging is this: If you really feel that you want to have an off-the-shoulder blouse and some big beads and thong sandals and a dirndl skirt and a magnolia in your hair, do it. Even if you're wrinkled.

—Maya Angelou

_____________________

Good morning and welcome to a new SnakePal, Gayle Slaten! Gayle Lindsay Slaten was the Poetry Editor for the online magazine, downtownLAlife.com, for three years until it ceased publication this spring. A former guest columnist for the monthly
Key Peninsula News in Washington, she shares her writing to help others know that life can change in a moment, just by taking that one step. Gayle is a retired Marriage and Family Therapist and has a teaching credential in Special Education. She lives in Tucson, Arizona with her partner, where she enjoys drum circles, art, cooking, and writing. Her latest book, Self Portraits of a Runaway Wife: a healing journey told through poetry and prose, is available at smile.amazon.com/dp/B08C95PGJT/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_dLEdFb405V4WG/.  Gayle says, “This book is about my journey back to Self, about waking up to life, and staying present long enough to experience the world in a new way.”



 Cover Art


Welcome to the Kitchen, Gayle, and don’t be a stranger!

In our area, Poetry Night in Davis presents Trina Drotar, Emily Wallis Hughes, and Jihyun Yun tonight on Zoom at 8pm at ucdavisdss.zoom.us/my/andyojones/. Info: www.facebook.com/events/2003215946481372/.

__________________________

—Medusa



 —Public Domain Photo Courtesy of Joseph Nolan, Stockton, CA





















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