It was sometime before first light
dew just forming, birds not yet chirping, people
cuddled under a warm blanket of REM sleep,
the aroma of toast, the whole town caught on fire
families in their nightshirts limped and
staggered from smouldering homes
screaming pain and sobbing losses
stunned, confused, wild
the volunteer fire department
dispatched all of their outdated
trucks and engines rattling,
clanking toward the perilous flames
then I was caught in my own dilemma:
turn off the alarm clock to get up
and go to work, or hit the "snooze"
button and face more of this mayhem
I managed to get out of the house
in time to board the local bus and
softly find a seat among other
groggy early morning commuters
a few stops down the road we picked up some
alpha male guys and gals who were not only
wide-eyed awake, but overflowing with
exciting exchanges like those pumped up
Little League mothers who manage to delete
"little" from their vocabulary and coach their
pathetically inadequate children boldly from high
in the stands as if this one play in the game was
so critical a juncture, the kid's performance here
would certainly determine the entire fate of all humanity.
YOU BETTER GET THAT ASSHOLE OUT
THIS TIME, OR ELSE!!! SHIT!!!
the heavy speech shook the bus with a landslide
of senseless rocks and boulders, casting early
commuters helplessly into the role of sleep-starved
prisoners beaten to confess crimes they didn't commit.
Once the Type-A riders left, there was a
collective sigh of relief heard 'round the world,
or at least throughout that one bus
which continued gently on its route.
He was very generous with his time
or so it looked on the surface
helping others who were running late
but never acting like he was hurried
and then he would
reach deep into his pocket
and pull out a gold plated watch
that had a special feature
each and every hour on the dial
ticked off 120 minutes
so he was typically early
and had time to spare
or so it looked.
by his heterosexuality
the smell of any perfume
caused large bumps and divots
in his skin and scalp
that ravished him for months on end.
But in fact
he could not be around guys either
who doused themselves with
and the like,
his condition was non-discriminatory
in each and every way.
Yes, Mrs. housewife,
you do have an insurance
policy covering your
our company cannot
give you the funds
because the deceased
died on a Sunday and
was left handed.
Besides we learned that
he was an atheist and
had we known
we would not have sold him a policy.
All of these exceptions
are clearly outlined in
the Arabic small print.
But most of all
we are greedy sons of bitches
who want to use the money
to increase our yearly bonuses.
Thanks, Mrs. housewife, for
the thousands of dollars
you sent in a timely manner.
We do sincerely hope
you will do business with us
If you don't dot the "i"
it looks like