—Poetry by Laura Stamps, Columbia, SC
—Photos Courtesy of Public Domain
GOLD OR SILVER?
1.
Dogs have eighteen muscles in their ears. Imagine that. Imagine moving your ears up and down. Sideways or independently. Tilting, rotating, twirling. Ears. Both of them. Imagine hearing four times better than humans. Well. You’d hope so, right? I mean, eighteen muscles better be good for something. And how do I know this? It’s the first fact in a list of interesting facts. On the next page. In this dog magazine. The one I’m reading right now.
2.
But, but, but. Do dogs worry about earrings? No. Do they worry about which pair to wear? Every day. To work. No. They don’t. But I do. Am I in a gold mood? Or a silver mood? That’s my first question. Every morning. And then the second. Why, why, why? Why can’t I be like one of those women? You know the kind. Those women. The ones who only own one pair of expensive gold earrings. One. Just one. And they’re perfectly happy wearing that pair. Forever. Why can’t I be like that? One cute pair. One. And be done with it. Easy. So, so easy. I know women like that. I do. Unfortunately. I’m not one of them. But I wish. I wish, I wish.
3.
I guess you know where I’m going with this, right?
4.
Because, because. There’s more. There’s always more. Gold or silver? Which will it be? This choice. It also determines my necklace, bracelet, rings. What to wear? What to wear? Two boxes of costume jewelry. Gold and silver. That’s what I have. And too much of it. Way too much.
5.
Have I mentioned this? The fact. That I’m a minimalist. I am. Imagine that. Simplicity, consistency. That’s what I crave. And yet, and yet. This. Two boxes of jewelry. Gold and silver. Both. Yes. That’s what I have. It drives me crazy. It does.
6.
And now. Teeth. Dogs have forty-two teeth. Humans only have thirty-two. The next fact. In this list of interesting facts. On this page. In this dog magazine. But, but, but. What about lipstick? Yes. That I can do. One shade. L’Oréal (of course). That’s all I wear. Year after year. Simply, consistently. Minimalist that I am. See? This I can do. But earrings? Geez. To be one of those women. I wish, I wish. Easy. So, so easy.
1.
Dogs have eighteen muscles in their ears. Imagine that. Imagine moving your ears up and down. Sideways or independently. Tilting, rotating, twirling. Ears. Both of them. Imagine hearing four times better than humans. Well. You’d hope so, right? I mean, eighteen muscles better be good for something. And how do I know this? It’s the first fact in a list of interesting facts. On the next page. In this dog magazine. The one I’m reading right now.
2.
But, but, but. Do dogs worry about earrings? No. Do they worry about which pair to wear? Every day. To work. No. They don’t. But I do. Am I in a gold mood? Or a silver mood? That’s my first question. Every morning. And then the second. Why, why, why? Why can’t I be like one of those women? You know the kind. Those women. The ones who only own one pair of expensive gold earrings. One. Just one. And they’re perfectly happy wearing that pair. Forever. Why can’t I be like that? One cute pair. One. And be done with it. Easy. So, so easy. I know women like that. I do. Unfortunately. I’m not one of them. But I wish. I wish, I wish.
3.
I guess you know where I’m going with this, right?
4.
Because, because. There’s more. There’s always more. Gold or silver? Which will it be? This choice. It also determines my necklace, bracelet, rings. What to wear? What to wear? Two boxes of costume jewelry. Gold and silver. That’s what I have. And too much of it. Way too much.
5.
Have I mentioned this? The fact. That I’m a minimalist. I am. Imagine that. Simplicity, consistency. That’s what I crave. And yet, and yet. This. Two boxes of jewelry. Gold and silver. Both. Yes. That’s what I have. It drives me crazy. It does.
6.
And now. Teeth. Dogs have forty-two teeth. Humans only have thirty-two. The next fact. In this list of interesting facts. On this page. In this dog magazine. But, but, but. What about lipstick? Yes. That I can do. One shade. L’Oréal (of course). That’s all I wear. Year after year. Simply, consistently. Minimalist that I am. See? This I can do. But earrings? Geez. To be one of those women. I wish, I wish. Easy. So, so easy.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
1.
I skip to the next page. In this dog magazine. A jewelry ad. Jewelry for dog-lovers. Can you imagine? Okay. This is totally me. I mean, look at this gold Chihuahua pendant. The one with the little doggie sweater. So, so cute! Actually. It reminds me of Max. It does. I swear. Looks just like him. Max. My imaginary dog. Well, well, well. Got to order it. Now. Can’t resist. Can’t. I mean, it’s Max. After all. Got to do this. Got to.
2.
Of course, Paula will freak. I know she will. I can hear her now. “What is that?” Paula will say, leaning over her taco for a closer look. “It’s a Chihuahua necklace, isn’t it?” she will say. Yes, yes, yes. Guilty as charged. We’re eating tacos. That’s what we do for lunch every day. At the Taco Shack. Across the street from the bank (where Paula works). Three doors down from the beachwear store (where I work). It’s true. I confess. We love their vegan tacos.
3.
“You are correct,” I will say. “It’s even wearing a little doggie sweater. See? Too cute!” I wiggle my shoulders, making the Chihuahua pendant do a doggie dance on my chest. “Grow up, Darlene,” Paula will say. “Obviously, your addiction to dog magazines and Chihuahuas is totally out of control.”
1.
I skip to the next page. In this dog magazine. A jewelry ad. Jewelry for dog-lovers. Can you imagine? Okay. This is totally me. I mean, look at this gold Chihuahua pendant. The one with the little doggie sweater. So, so cute! Actually. It reminds me of Max. It does. I swear. Looks just like him. Max. My imaginary dog. Well, well, well. Got to order it. Now. Can’t resist. Can’t. I mean, it’s Max. After all. Got to do this. Got to.
2.
Of course, Paula will freak. I know she will. I can hear her now. “What is that?” Paula will say, leaning over her taco for a closer look. “It’s a Chihuahua necklace, isn’t it?” she will say. Yes, yes, yes. Guilty as charged. We’re eating tacos. That’s what we do for lunch every day. At the Taco Shack. Across the street from the bank (where Paula works). Three doors down from the beachwear store (where I work). It’s true. I confess. We love their vegan tacos.
3.
“You are correct,” I will say. “It’s even wearing a little doggie sweater. See? Too cute!” I wiggle my shoulders, making the Chihuahua pendant do a doggie dance on my chest. “Grow up, Darlene,” Paula will say. “Obviously, your addiction to dog magazines and Chihuahuas is totally out of control.”
4.
Not my fault. Because, because. One goal in life. That’s all I have. Only one. Fun. That’s it. Fun, fun, fun. And that’s the way it’s been. With me. Ever since that night. The night I left. My ex-husband. (Such a depressing guy!) And Paula’s goal? To keep me grounded. Reality is her thing. Yeah. Right. Good luck with that. Best friends forever. And ever. That’s us.
5.
“You’re a mess,” Paula will say. “I mean, you don’t even have a dog.” True. Technically. But then, but then. She doesn’t know about Max. My imaginary dog. My sweet little Chihuahua. My secret dog. The dog nobody knows about. The dog nobody will ever know about. Especially Paula. Because, because. If she did. I’d never hear the end of it. Geez. Can you imagine?
Today’s LittleNip:
Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.
―Orhan Pamuk, My Name Is Red
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New visitor to the Kitchen Laura Stamps is a novelist and poet who loves to play with words and create experimental forms. Author of 64 books, most recently It’s All About the Ride: Cat Mania (Alien Buddha Press 2021); Dog Dazed (Kittyfeather Press 2022); and The Good Dog (Prolific Pulse Press 2023). Winner of the Muses Prize. Recipient of a Pulitzer Prize nomination and 7 Pushcart Prize nominations. Published in over 1000 literary magazines and anthologies worldwide. Can be found at www.laurastampsfiction.blogspot.com/. Welcome to the Kitchen, Laura, and thanks for your prose poetry on this, the Autumnal Equinox (6:04 tonight in California)—and don’t be a stranger!
Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.
―Orhan Pamuk, My Name Is Red
___________________________
New visitor to the Kitchen Laura Stamps is a novelist and poet who loves to play with words and create experimental forms. Author of 64 books, most recently It’s All About the Ride: Cat Mania (Alien Buddha Press 2021); Dog Dazed (Kittyfeather Press 2022); and The Good Dog (Prolific Pulse Press 2023). Winner of the Muses Prize. Recipient of a Pulitzer Prize nomination and 7 Pushcart Prize nominations. Published in over 1000 literary magazines and anthologies worldwide. Can be found at www.laurastampsfiction.blogspot.com/. Welcome to the Kitchen, Laura, and thanks for your prose poetry on this, the Autumnal Equinox (6:04 tonight in California)—and don’t be a stranger!
Poetry Unplugged at Luna’s in Sacramento tonight features readers from American River College’s writing program (plus open mic), starting at 8pm; open mic sign-ups at 7:30. Also tonight: Chill Vibez Concert and Poetry on the Patio at Cesar Chavez Plaza, Sacramento, plus the beginning of the Loss, Life & Love Festival on Zoom, which starts at 5pm tonight with Anne Lamont and Medusa “Gangsta Goddess” [no, not THIS Medusa…] and more Festival events through Saturday. Click UPCOMING NORCAL EVENTS at the top of this column for details about these and other future poetry events in the NorCal area.
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—Medusa
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Would you like to be a SnakePal?
All you have to do is send poetry and/or
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work from all over the world—including
that which was previously published—
and collaborations are welcome.
Just remember:
the snakes of Medusa are always hungry—
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