Photo by D.R. Wagner, Elk Grove
WARNING SIGNS
—Charles Mariano, Sacramento
I should teach a class in writing. No, make that, a class in filling pages. It’s the quality on the page that usually gets me. Starting though is as simple as clicking on the Word Doc, and another click for a blank page. Takes about three seconds.
There should be an award or something for someone who can conjure garbage out of thin air and throw it down at random. I’m in the running. Pick a page, any page, begin. It’s also a great place to air out deep concerns and fears. Between these lines, lurks the unbridled raw nerves of a disturbed and unstable human. Scary stuff, I tell you.
Recently, I was handed a flyer from the doctor’s office: 20 Stress Warning Signs. Danged if I didn’t hit the mark on at least half. Is Humpty going down? Not even sure if the list is correct, because most doctors seem more whacked than me and probably over-medicating themselves. Anyways, here’s part of the list.
1. Tightened Stomach. Well, that’s a given. Least I ain’t running down the street naked and screaming. Least not today.
2. Gritting Teeth. The second I typed that, my tongue rolled on a recent bite that turned into a cold sore. Stingers, I call them.
3. Pain in the Neck or Lower Back. I’ve got the constant pain in the neck, but missed the lower back (do I get extra credit?).
4. Clenching Jaw. This one’s been a problem ever since Mama got sick and went into hospice three or four years ago. Got me to a TMJ specialist for one of those nifty nightguards. Stick that sucker in my mouth at sleepytime, problem solved. Okay, not completely.
5. Trembling, Nervous Tics. Don’t know about the trembling, but right now there’s a shaker-tic in my left eye. Is this a sign of haywired circuits? Definitely, but least I ain’t trembling…yet.
6. Insomnia. Whoa! This one can be chalked up to my disciplined driving madness towards self-improvement. Wake up at 5am everyday to write. By the time my body catches a hint of a pillow, my brain flatout refuses. Too many crickets? Besides, waking up early is my therapy. If I don’t get it, well, I get irritable and cranky (see trembling, nervous tics).
7. General Irritabilty, Hyper-excitation or Depression. Heyyy, nice transition. Not saying I need to calm down, because the pace, the pressure, the load of commitments pushed me to the brink of going postal, but there are times, when you know, I seriously need to chill.
Not even going to finish the list, because there seems to be a disturbing trend. Some of the others, Inability to Sit Still, Concentrate, Migraine headaches, Pounding Heart, or Rapid Pulse, I’m throwing into the woodpile for good measure. It’s a miracle I haven’t exploded.
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—Medusa
